So its been a while since I blogged last, not because God has been silent but I have just been busy and put it off. I am back to the point where I dont' know what God is doing. I try to let it go because I know God is workin things for my good, but thats a lot easier to say, or type, than to actually accomplish. I feel more at war with myself than I have in a long time. Maybe thats a good thing. I've always been told that satan attacks worse when your closer to God, but i dont know it I buy it. I feel like im disoriented or drowning. I was talking to a friend the other day and I described it like this: I feel like I am walking across one of those old, rope and wooden bridges that span canyons in the movies. Except for the fact that I am crawling across on my hands and knees saying that I have faith in God that he will protect me if I stand up but never actually standing. Every time a board breaks and I have to shift my weight I say "God has me" but secretly im thankful that I never stood up fully because I might have fallen. Hence I am making this slow delusioned mess of my life when I could just give it all to God.
Life has been stressful this past week. There are a lot of changes I have to make. A lot of boards yet that I need to stand on. I need to cast all my cares upon God, but yet again easier said than done. Thats all for now.
