I have slacked so bad at this blog thing but here we go again. So much has happened since I blogged last that I don't know where to begin. I cant cover everything, I don't have time to tell it all. So I will hit the important stuff and be happy with it.
Last time I was on here blogging I was telling of what God has been doing in my life and how he has been moving. If Spiritual Maturity were measured in years like age, I would be at least a couple of years older now than when I last posted. God has been taking me to places and has shown me things that I cant even fathom. I don't want to get into specifics, this blog isn't intended to be a play-by-play rant of my life, but I do want to share some things. I don't even really remember where it began, but then again God does that type of thing.
Before Christmas I was just another random college student wondering through school with no real purpose but to be a career student. I worked part time, went to school full time, and BCMed in most of the other time. Same thing I have been doing for the past three years. Since Christmas break though there has been a change in not only my life circumstances but in my innermost being. I now work full time, go to school part time, and BCM when I can. That is the external. The internal is exponentially more beautiful. I have grown from a disappointed drone of modern religion to a radical explorer into the wilds of God. It was not something I expected nor was looking for to be honest. I was actually fearing the opposite, that when I began to work full time I would stray from God even more because of that disconnection from the BCM and the church that i attend/attended. Quite the opposite, through some very unexpected influences in my life I have started on a journey into the unknown of God and His Holy Spirit. Already, I have grown so much that i cant even keep track. This can only be the beginning of a great adventure.
God is renewing in my life what He means by a relationship with Him. I can tell you I have a relationship with God all day long, even read my Bible and go to church, but a relationship takes two individuals and if Gods is not in a relationship with me... it's just acting. I have always know this of course, but until you really feel it there is no comparison. Not saying that i have achieved this perfect relationship with God by any means, but as I said earlier God himself has started me on the journey to that end. What an end! I am confused as to why a Holy God would want to draw something like me to Himself, why He in all His perfection would choose me as an adopted son... Even as I write this I am overwhelmed with thankfulness and awe.
God has also been growing my faith in Him. Now I have always known about faith and how you have to trust God, but what a difference it makes when God himself teaches you about faith. Through one of Jerrod Brown's messages at our weekly BCM meetings I have finally come to realize that faith is a process. What a revelation, huh? Again, something that I knew already, but until God teaches you something, do you really know anything? I'm beginning to think not. I have been trying to have all faith, all at once. That's not Gods design, not for me at least. God has given me a measure of faith, and like the stingy man in Jesus' parable I have taken it and buried it in the ground to keep it safe, so afraid of losing it. It's now that I see that God is desiring for me to use that faith and it will multiply like the faithful servants. (God just revealed this to me as I was typing, He amazes me constantly) How crazy is that!
Another big influence in my life recently had been the book Radical by David Platt. I have been reading through it with a Bible study group for the past few weeks and this book has really touched me. At first it was good, as most Bible studies are, but then I started seeing things in a new light. It's like God changed my lens and now I see things from a new, more amazing perspective. The reality of this book is humbling. I have never read another book, aside from the Bible, that has challenged me and my worldview in this way.
All this has been a result of a sudden, but beautiful, awareness of the Holy Spirit in my life. Oh how foolish I feel for leaving out this key part of Christianity! What was I thinking, or not thinking? I am becoming more sensitive to the Spirit as a result and I believe can feel his prompting. What an awesome thought! How am I worthy to be prompted by the Holy Spirit of God? God has truly blessed this undeserving criminal with life. Words fail to describe my thankfulness to Him for choosing me...
