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I have slacked so bad at this blog thing but here we go again. So much has happened since I blogged last that I don't know where to begin. I cant cover everything, I don't have time to tell it all. So I will hit the important stuff and be happy with it.

Last time I was on here blogging I was telling of what God has been doing in my life and how he has been moving. If Spiritual Maturity were measured in years like age, I would be at least a couple of years older now than when I last posted. God has been taking me to places and has shown me things that I cant even fathom. I don't want to get into specifics, this blog isn't intended to be a play-by-play rant of my life, but I do want to share some things. I don't even really remember where it began, but then again God does that type of thing.

Before Christmas I was just another random college student wondering through school with no real purpose but to be a career student. I worked part time, went to school full time, and BCMed in most of the other time. Same thing I have been doing for the past three years. Since Christmas break though there has been a change in not only my life circumstances but in my innermost being. I now work full time, go to school part time, and BCM when I can. That is the external. The internal is exponentially more beautiful. I have grown from a disappointed drone of modern religion to a radical explorer into the wilds of God. It was not something I expected nor was looking for to be honest. I was actually fearing the opposite, that when I began to work full time I would stray from God even more because of that disconnection from the BCM and the church that i attend/attended. Quite the opposite, through some very unexpected influences in my life I have started on a journey into the unknown of God and His Holy Spirit. Already, I have grown so much that i cant even keep track. This can only be the beginning of a great adventure.

God is renewing in my life what He means by a relationship with Him. I can tell you I have a relationship with God all day long, even read my Bible and go to church, but a relationship takes two individuals and if Gods is not in a relationship with me... it's just acting. I have always know this of course, but until you really feel it there is no comparison. Not saying that i have achieved this perfect relationship with God by any means, but as I said earlier God himself has started me on the journey to that end. What an end! I am confused as to why a Holy God would want to draw something like me to Himself, why He in all His perfection would choose me as an adopted son... Even as I write this I am overwhelmed with thankfulness and awe.

God has also been growing my faith in Him. Now I have always known about faith and how you have to trust God, but what a difference it makes when God himself teaches you about faith. Through one of Jerrod Brown's messages at our weekly BCM meetings I have finally come to realize that faith is a process. What a revelation, huh? Again, something that I knew already, but until God teaches you something, do you really know anything? I'm beginning to think not. I have been trying to have all faith, all at once. That's not Gods design, not for me at least. God has given me a measure of faith, and like the stingy man in Jesus' parable I have taken it and buried it in the ground to keep it safe, so afraid of losing it. It's now that I see that God is desiring for me to use that faith and it will multiply like the faithful servants. (God just revealed this to me as I was typing, He amazes me constantly) How crazy is that!

Another big influence in my life recently had been the book Radical by David Platt. I have been reading through it with a Bible study group for the past few weeks and this book has really touched me. At first it was good, as most Bible studies are, but then I started seeing things in a new light. It's like God changed my lens and now I see things from a new, more amazing perspective. The reality of this book is humbling. I have never read another book, aside from the Bible, that has challenged me and my worldview in this way.

All this has been a result of a sudden, but beautiful, awareness of the Holy Spirit in my life. Oh how foolish I feel for leaving out this key part of Christianity! What was I thinking, or not thinking? I am becoming more sensitive to the Spirit as a result and I believe can feel his prompting. What an awesome thought! How am I worthy to be prompted by the Holy Spirit of God? God has truly blessed this undeserving criminal with life. Words fail to describe my thankfulness to Him for choosing me...

(sigh)

So its been a while since I blogged last, not because God has been silent but I have just been busy and put it off. I am back to the point where I dont' know what God is doing. I try to let it go because I know God is workin things for my good, but thats a lot easier to say, or type, than to actually accomplish. I feel more at war with myself than I have in a long time. Maybe thats a good thing. I've always been told that satan attacks worse when your closer to God, but i dont know it I buy it. I feel like im disoriented or drowning. I was talking to a friend the other day and I described it like this: I feel like I am walking across one of those old, rope and wooden bridges that span canyons in the movies. Except for the fact that I am crawling across on my hands and knees saying that I have faith in God that he will protect me if I stand up but never actually standing. Every time a board breaks and I have to shift my weight I say "God has me" but secretly im thankful that I never stood up fully because I might have fallen. Hence I am making this slow delusioned mess of my life when I could just give it all to God.

Life has been stressful this past week. There are a lot of changes I have to make. A lot of boards yet that I need to stand on. I need to cast all my cares upon God, but yet again easier said than done. Thats all for now.

Monday...

So... Today started out as a for real MONDAY. I woke up at 7:30, turned my alarm off and fell back asleep. That caused me to be late for work and with no coffee on a day that I really wanted my coffee. Thing however took an interesting turn. I attepted to blog via text message today, yeah it didnt quite work out. When I checked it on the computer it was a bunch of random letters, numbers, and scrabble. So here is what I said...

"So this is my first blog via text message so we'll see how it goes. God has been moving a lot in my life lately. Not that he hasn't been moving, I just notice it a lot more now. God is revealing is revealing a piece of himself to me in the smallest aspects of daily routine life. Just today, and its only 2pm, God has allowed my path to cross with 2 people that I have been waiting on a chance to talk to. He has also used a friend to encourage me through text when I was feeling down. I can't thank Him enough for allowing me to see myself grow. God is revealing to me his activity in my life and it's exciting. Every chance i get to interact with people is becoming a joy now instead of more or less an obligation. This is what I have longed for for a long time now and God is answering my prayers! I guess i'll wrap it up for now because I'm rinning out of text room, but I just had to write it down and give praise to God for blessing me so much!"

Yeah... It was a 7 page text but I just felt so compelled to document my experiences. So much so that I retyped the whole thing. I have been feeling God being very intentional lately in the smallest thigs I get the feeling that he is workin on this big master plan and my life is a part of it! Which I know (the Bible tells me so), but its so different when you actually feel and experience it. Whats weird is that tonight in FiSH group, we got off on a discussion of this very subject and i didnt inniciate it! Lee was telling how God was working in his life and it was very remniscent of what He is doing in my life and in this blog. Also one of the guys that has been on my heart, Graham, is one of the people I ran into today and he joined our FiSH group tonight. He and Lee both shared their stories of how God brought them to South and how they decided this was the place for them. I cant help but, probably selfishly, feel that I was at least one of the reasons God brought them here. God has already tought me so much through them, more that they'll ever know. Some of it I really dont understand myself, nor could I put it into words. I only hope that I can have a profoundly positive impact on their lives, but thats God department isn't it.

God is so good and I long to have a visible passion for Him. It is encouraging enough for now to know that God is working and that He is growing me. I know that if God were to simply grant me my desire for wisdom and passion I would never get to experience the thrill of growing with Him. Thanks God for a nother wonderful Monday...

Sound Familiar?

So I love the book of Romans, and when I don't know where to read from in the Bible I usually turn to romans. It always seems to have something to tell me or remind me just when I need it. Recently I read Romans 1 and as always something i I didnt expect poped out at me. The first half of the chapter is talking about Paul and how he is about to come visit the Romans. It applauds them for their faith, saying even that it was world renowned! The second half, however, was what really struck me. I am in a class that discusses the diversities of our society and how different things effect your likelyhood of being homeless, incarcerated, etc. The second half of Romans 1 really struck me as having a fimiliarity with America today. It tells of how man turned from God and followed their own paths, and as punishment God gave them over to a sinful mind. It talks of people turning to idoletry and homosexuality, knowing Gods laws and the punishment but choosing to do these things anyway. Verses 28-32 say that the poeple didnt consider it worthwhile to remember God's laws so he gave them over to their own sinful minds and all manner of evil. It got so bad that they began to invent new ways of doing evil! Verse 32 it what struck me the most though.

Altough they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things, but approve of those who practice them. Romans 1:32

That sounds like an all to familiar story to me. Today I see poeple treating "good" as relative to the individuals views on life. The concept of righteousness is not meant to be defined differently by everyone. It is meant to be Gods standard and His law. Im afaid that so many people have been fooled into thinking that as long as things "feel right" then it s ok to do, when actually it possible that God has just given them over to their own sinful mind.
I dont want to be that person. I want to make it worthwhile to retain the law of God and know my boundries in life.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philipians 4:13

Why Blog?

The reason for this blog is to journal the teachings and actions of God in my life so that I don't forget all that He has done for me and how He loves me. This is going to be like my personal exploration into God and what Hes doing in my life, but through this blog i extend to you an invitation to eavesdrop on our conversations. By doing this I hope to achieve a greater understanding of and relationship with God and maybe, by His guidance, "accidentally" encourage and enlighten someone else.